Chapters 15 - 19
by: Louise Palanker
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CHAPTER 15 � What is Strafed?
What is �strafed?� Lainie had never seen that word before. She�d have to look it up tomorrow. When she could no longer keep her eyes open, Lainie tucked the journal in her closet and went to sleep. She didn�t have bad dreams at all. She dreamed she was a French child, standing on a dusty road and waving at her father as he marched past and gently smiled at her.
When Lainie woke up for school the next morning, her father was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee and reading the paper, just like he always did. But this time, she really looked at him. This was the boy in the picture, the boy in her dream, the boy who marched across France, smiling at children and shooting down planes and sleeping in ditches and dodging German bombs. Her father was the boy in the picture. His face was a little fuller, and now he was in color, but he was that boy.
Her father looked up from his paper.
�Could you pour me a little more coffee, Sweety?�
Just like every morning.
�Sure.�
She poured him the coffee, which he drank while she ate her cereal, reading the back of the box while he read the paper. Every now and then, she sneaked a peek at him over the top of her cereal box.
There was so much she wanted to ask him but couldn�t.
This morning had to be just like every morning.
Lainie had decided not to tell anyone about her father�s journal. She�d read it and keep it a secret. It was hard though because it was screaming inside her. She had known her whole life that her father had been in this war. She just never knew what it really meant.
In English class, Clayton Murray smiled at her and she smiled back. The Huckleberry Finn discussion was getting very interesting because they were talking about morality and how the decisions people make can affect their lives. Lainie did not raise her hand, however, because she had not read the chapters since she was too busy reading her father�s journal. That�s a decision she had made which was now affecting her life.
Before lunch, Lainie ducked into the library to look up the word, �Strafe.� The dictionary said, �Strafe: adjective. To attack an enemy by shooting from aircraft which are flying low in the sky.�
So when her father said he was being strafed in the journal, he meant he was being shot at from a plane.
Her quiet, solemn, unassuming father spent two years marching across Europe and being shot at. Unbelievable.
In gym class the teasing was starting to get really obnoxious. During field hockey, Gretchen shoved Lainie so hard she fell. It hurt and Gretchen�s stupid friends just laughed. This made Lainie really angry and she jumped back up and hollered,
�What the heck is your problem?�
Then she got right in Gretchen�s face and said,
�Stay away from me! Do you hear me!�
Gretchen just looked at her with that all-purpose disapproving grimace.
�Get over it,� was all she had to say in response.�
The game was continuing as girls ran down the field but Lainie needed a moment to recognize what she had done. The strength to do it had come from somewhere inside her and it startled her. She pulled herself together and ran off down the field.
January 17, 1970
I stood up to Gretchen Alder in gym today. She shoved me and I just let her have it. She�s a bully and I don�t really care what she or her stupid friends think of me.
I really wish I had my drumsticks because I need them. Pencils are not nearly as satisfying to play and Annie yells, �stop drumming� even when I just drum with my hands.
I need to stop writing so I can read Huckleberry Finn and then get back to Dad�s journal.
June 30, 1944 � Friday
Last night we had just finished digging our slit trenches next to our gun to sleep in, when some flares were dropped on us by a German plane. It showed our position as clear as day. The flares were followed by bombs. No one was hurt but we all looked pretty pale. It�s funny what goes through your mind during a time of danger.
It�s still raining and we feel pretty miserable.
July 7, 1944 � Friday
We are just outside of Carentan. The medic assigned to our gun crew was getting a nervous breakdown so they gave us a new one. Two German snipers were shot out of a tree in the adjoining field last night. A couple of French kids told us where they were.
When we answer the field phone here, just to add a little humor we say, �Hollywood Hotel.�
July 8, 1944 � Saturday
Five boys were killed by snipers last night in the field artillery outfit that we are protecting against enemy aircraft. I hid in the bushes while on guard last night with a grenade and rifle, hoping a German would come by, but the hour passed with no incident. Our artillery was fighting all last night. I can�t understand why they don�t give way.
With a pair of binoculars, I watched our P51s and 47s dive bomb the German line. One plane dove, got hit, caught fire and went straight to the ground. It was like watching a movie, only more so.
When I see the condition of the French children here I wonder how they can be so happy and playful. They wear wooden shoes and old, torn clothes. They all smoke and many have welts all over their legs. They live in old barns with holes in the roof and there is little sanitation. Many of the children have syphilis. They don�t go to school and have never seen a movie. If every American could see how these people live, I don�t think there would ever be any more complaints in the states about rationing, etc.
July 9, 1944 � Sunday
I am sitting my shift on the 40 now and watching the sun sink in the west, the direction of home.
It�s so peaceful and quiet now, compared to this afternoon that it seems hard to believe that this is a combat zone. I wonder what it will be like to see my folks and friends again. I can�t help but think about them now. I haven�t heard from Ruth for a couple of weeks now.
CHAPTER 16 � Singing Cole Porter
When Lainie came home from school she found her mother in the kitchen singing to herself. It was the Cole Porter song about a glimpse of stocking being something shocking. This was a very good sign. It meant that Mom was in a good mood.
�Hi, Mom,� said Lainie as she lay her books on the table.�
�Hi, Lainie. How was school?�
�Good. We�re reading Huckleberry Finn.�
�Oh, that�s nice.�
Lainie took a pop tart out of the box and started eating it.
�Lainie, please use a plate when you eat. The crumbs are getting everywhere, now wipe this up.�
Uh oh, this is how quickly things could turn ugly. Lainie got a plate and wiped up her crumbs. Then she sat at the kitchen table and watched her mother stir soup, while she assessed her mood because there was something Lainie really wanted to ask her mother. In a little while, her mom started singing again.
�The world has gone mad today and good�s bad today and black�s white today and day�s night today� and��
�Mom?�
�What?�
�Was that song a hit during the war?�
�No that�s a Cole Porter song from the thirties.�
�Oh. Um, what songs were hits during the war?�
Let�s see, �I�ll Be Seeing You In Apple Blossom Time,� �Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,� ��Til Then,� songs about missing people and songs about hope.�
�Did you� did you write to Dad during the war.�
�Yes, sure, I wrote to him.�
�Did he write back?�
�He sure did.�
�Who wrote more?�
�Why all these questions?�
�Um, I�m just curious.�
�Let�s see. When your Daddy left for the war, I was almost engaged to Bernie Davis.�
�What?�
�Yes, and I was not that crazy about your father.�
�Why?�
�I thought he was dull.� She laughed to herself.
�But Dad isn�t dull.�
�No, he�s not now. But back then he was very shy and serious and I was in love with someone else.�
�You�re kidding.�
�Nope.�
�But you did write him.�
�Yes, I wrote him because I knew he� liked me and I was worried about him and I cared about him��
�So, you� did like him maybe just a little?�
�I don�t really remember. It was a long time ago. Why all these questions?�
�Did you get engaged to Bernie Davis?�
�Yes, we were engaged, but of course I didn�t mention that in the letters to your father. He was fighting a war, after all.�
�And he found out when he got home?�
�He did and he was very heartbroken but� things were not working out with me and Bernie Davis and��
Her mother got very thoughtful.
�And what?� said Lainie, anxiously.
�Your father was very sweet. He used to��
At that moment Kurt came running into the room with a bat yelling,
�Somebody stole my socks!�
Annie ran in after him yelling,
�Nobody stole your socks you little idiot!�
�Somebody stole them!� yelled Kurt, swinging the bat and knocking over a box of napkins.
�Nobody in this house wears eight-year-old boys� socks except you!� hollered Annie.
�All of you, go to your rooms right now!� Screamed their mother. So they did and they didn�t come out until they were called to the table for dinner.
Nobody spoke during dinner. When they finished eating, Lainie�s mother went into her room and slammed the door. Lainie, Annie and Kurt cleared the table and did the dishes.
Lainie�s father came home from work. He said hello.
�Where�s your mother?�
�She�s in her room,� Said Annie.�
Their father scowled at them because he knew that if their mom was in her room, in a bad mood, it was their fault.
Lainie went back to her room and pulled out her father�s journal.
July 13, 1944 � Thursday
We moved up a couple days ago. There were dead Germans on the sides of the roads and a few dead French Women who went along with their German boyfriends. We set up our gun in a field with dead cows lying around bloated to twice their original size and the smell is sickening. We now have 16 men on our gun crew. Four letters from home yesterday. None from Ruth.
July 14, 1944 � Friday
This morning for nearly an hour our gun crew got the worst shelling since we are in France. A 150 landed within 75 yards of us. The shrapnel whistled over our heads. Every shell sounds as if it�s going to land right on you. I don�t wish that experience on anyone.
July 24,1944 � Monday
In the past ten days, the following things took place. One, our mission has changed and we are now protecting something else which because of strict censorship or secrecy I will not mention should this diary ever fall into enemy hands. Two, the sun shone today for the first time in a week and the big drive has opened. Hundreds of bombers and fighters flew over today. Three, I received a letter from Ruth.
CHAPTER 17 � Most Handsome Teacher
Lainie smiled to herself as she closed the journal, tucked it away and went to sleep.
The next day, something very strange and interesting happened in Social Studies. Lainie had just taken her seat next to Tracy and they were talking softly about their recent string of substitute teachers. Mrs. Bailer had been sick since the film projector incident and each substitute teacher was more boring than the one before. Lainie and Tracy were giggling about their most recent substitute, Miss Darling. Both girls agreed that she was not at all darling and Lainie whispered to Tracy,
�Her name should be Miss Labeled.�
They were dissolving in a fit of laughter when a man walked into the room. He wasn�t just any man. He was the most handsome man Lainie had ever seen. Lainie and Tracy stared at him with their mouths half open and then stared at each other before turning back to stare again at this man who was now placing his briefcase on the teacher�s desk. He cleared his throat and addressed the class.
�Hello, my name is Mr. Helfenstein. I am your new social studies teacher.�
�Oh, my God,� somehow slipped out of Lainie�s mouth as she turned to exchange a look of shock and joy with Tracy.
If he heard it, Mr. Helfenstein ignored it and kept talking.
�I am sorry to report to you that Mrs. Bailer has retired.�
A cheer went up from the boys in the back of the room.
�I don�t think that�s appropriate,� Said Mr. Helfenstein.
The joy was sucked right out of Lainie just as suddenly as it had come in. Lainie could not stop herself from raising her hand.
�Yes, and please tell me your name,� said Mr. Helfenstein.
�Why is she retiring? Um, Lainie� my name is...�
�I think she felt it was just time for her to retire.�
Lainie sank back into her seat. She knew it was her fault that Mrs. Bailer was retiring. Lainie could have turned off that projector but she didn�t and now Mrs. Bailer was home with a broken heart and all because of Lainie.
All of a sudden, Mr. Helfenstein wasn�t so handsome anymore and Lainie didn�t hear too much of what he had to say from that point on, although the rest of the girls in the room were hanging on every word until the bell rang and he said,
�I�ll see you all tomorrow.�
As the other kids left the room, Lainie got up from her seat and walked over to Mr. Helfenstein�s desk.
�Mr� um, Helfersteen?�
�Helfenstein.�
�Yes, Mr. Helfenstein, um do you know if she left because of us?�
�Do you mean did she leave because of your behavior?�
�Yes.�
�I�ve been told that had a lot to do with it.�
�Oh.�
Lainie started to walk away, then turned back and said,
�Thank you.�
�Lainie?�
�Yes.�
�Is there anything you want to talk about?�
�No thank you.�
Lainie left the room and walked to her next class.
January 19, 1970
Guilt is a bad feeling. I know it�s not all my fault that Mrs. Bailer left, it�s just that I know I could have helped and I didn�t. I know she was not the best teacher in the world, but it was very mean what we did to her. I know I never laughed at her or made farting noises with my armpit. In fact, I never did anything. It�s what I didn�t do.
CHAPTER 18 � Mr. Helfenstein in Trunks?
On the bus the next morning, Lainie told Lois about what happened with Mrs. Bailer. Lois told Lainie that it wasn�t her fault, which was exactly what Lainie needed her best friend to say. It made her feel much better. Now maybe Lainie could be free to enjoy her new, super handsome teacher, Mr. Helfenstein.
The bus stopped to pick up Tracy who jumped in and ran down the aisle to where Lainie and Lois were sitting.
�Guess what?� she nearly screamed.
�What?� said Lainie and Lois?
�Mr. Helfenstein is going to be coaching the swim team!�
�Woah,� said Lainie.
�I�m joining,� said Tracy.
�He�s that cute?� asked Lois.
�He�s gorgeous,� said Tracy.
�You can barely swim,� said Lois.
�Like I said, he�s gorgeous.� Said Tracy.
�He looks like Tom Jones,� said Lainie and all three girls started to giggle. Especially when Lainie started singing �It�s not unusual to be loved by anyone��
�I think he�s better looking than Tom Jones.� Said Tracy.
�Ooh,� said Lainie, �Do you think when he coaches the swim team he�ll be wearing trunks?�
The girls started giggling again and it made Lainie wonder why she had no problem giggling with her friends about a handsome teacher but she couldn�t tell them about the boy she really liked.
Mr. Helfenstein really was nice to look at, there was no denying it. But that day in class as he stood where Mrs. Bailer used to stand, Lainie started to feel as if she didn�t deserve to look at him. She certainly didn�t deserve to see him in his swim trunks.
July 25, 1944 � Tuesday
Last night I saw a truck with 500 pounds of TNT on it, get hit by an 88. The concussion was terrific. Today over 2000 heavy bombers flew over our gun position together with hundreds of P38s and 47s. We saw two bombers and one fighter get hit by German AA guns and fall flaming to the ground. When they dropped their bombs, the ground shook and it sounded like thunder.
NEWS OF THE WEEK
A boy in B Battery went insane and killed his sergeant and corporal.
Enemy planes dropped bombs near us last night.
August 1, 1944 � Tuesday
Today marks one year in the Army. One year too many. We are really moving ahead now. Don�t even have time to dig in. People seem happy to see us. The Germans bomb us at night but don�t dare come over in daylight. We are all dead tired from moving, digging a hole to sleep in for a couple hours and then moving again. We are at the point of an encircling drive and can hear machine guns and artillery on both sides of us. As tired as I feel, I�m ready to move any time because every move is just that much closer to home. Still no mail from Ruth.
January 21, 1970
I wonder why my father didn�t just give up on my mother. I mean, here he is fighting the war and living in ditches and she can�t even write him a letter. What�s the point of dreaming about a girl who�s just going to be in a bad mood all the time anyway? Maybe back before he left for the war she was in a good mood most of the time. Maybe every time he saw her she acted like she does around here when the phone rings. She can be yelling at us one second and then the phone rings and she�s nice to the person who�s calling. Maybe she always treated Dad like a person on the phone until she married him. Too bad he didn�t know that when he was sleeping in a trench.
Chapter 19 � Asking Dad
Lainie heard her parents� bedroom door open around 10:30. It was a familiar sound. Around this time, every night, her father came out into the kitchen, fixed himself a snack and then went into the den to watch old movies on TV. It was his alone time.
Lainie decided that night that maybe she too was a little hungry or thirsty maybe. She got out of her bed and headed into the kitchen where she saw her father with his head inside the fridge.
�Dad?�
�Huh?� Her father was startled. He emerged from the fridge with a piece of cheese in his hand.
�What are you doing up?� he asked.
�I was thirsty for orange juice,� said Lainie as she went to the fridge and looked for the orange juice. They didn�t have any so she poured herself some water.
�You should really be in bed,� said her father.
�Um, Dad?�
�Yes?�
�What do you do when you feel like you did something wrong and you feel�
Her father just stared at her, waiting for her to finish the sentence.
�Um guilty.�
�What do you feel guilty about?�
�It�s hard to explain.� Said Lainie.
�I�m not going anywhere.� Said her father.
He stared at her now for a very long time while Lainie stammered and stalled and didn�t know how to start to say what she wanted to say.
�I don�t know how to say it.� Said Lainie.
Her father sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for Lainie.
�Then I�m going to wait for you to figure it out.� He said.
They looked at each other and looked away and looked at each other for about an hour. Her father never looked at his watch. He never ate his cheese. He just waited.
Finally Lainie took a deep breath and blurted out the story of Mrs. Bailer and the movie projector and how Mrs. Bailer almost cried and how Lainie felt like a very bad person who should have helped her but didn�t help her. Her father listened to everything without talking. Then he said this.
�Lainie, you are a very good person. Do you know why?�
�No.�
�Because you�re feeling this. That�s what makes you special.�
�Oh.�
�Only a very good person would feel this bad.� Her father said with half a smile.
�Good people make mistakes. But they learn from them.�
�What am I supposed to learn?�
�I think you should figure that out for yourself. Now it�s time for you to go to sleep.�
�OK, Dad.� She smiled at him feeling much better and not even sure why.
January 23, 1970
I know I�m supposed to be asleep. It�s really late but I just had a conversation with my father about Mrs. Bailer and my father told me that I am a good person. I think I always knew that he thought that, but I never heard him say it before tonight. It was very good to hear him say it.