Chapters 40 - 45
by: Louise Palanker
Journals Paperback is Now Available at Amazon
Checkout 'Journals' at Amazon
CHAPTER 40 � Pride
By the time she finished the last letter, Lainie was crying, but more out of happiness than sadness. There was good news for some people at the end of this horrible war.
Lainie felt so proud of her father in that moment. Not just because he had done something heroic, but because he had done it so quietly, a person had to really know him, to know that he�d done it at all.
CHAPTER 41 � Long Day
Friday was show day and for Lainie, school seemed to take forever. Lainie was way too full of nervous excitement about Bye Bye Birdie to concentrate on school. She�d tap her pencil and look at the clock and shake her knee up and down until the kid next to her, Keith Kessler told her to cut it out. Each class just crept by until finally gym class arrived which was Lainie�s last class of the day.
When the girls were split into volleyball teams, Lainie wound up on the same team as Gretchen. Lainie found this only slightly annoying. She figured if she could ignore Clayton Murray, she could easily ignore Gretchen Alder, right? Wrong. Gretchen was the type of volleyball player who watched the ball come over the net, stood perfectly still and as the ball bounced on the floor next to her, turned and said, �Yours.� Finally, Lainie was fed up. She said,
�You could at least think about trying.�
Gretchen�s eyes blazed with rage.
�Shut up, twit!� She said.
�I�ll talk when I feel like it,� said Lainie.
�You�re so retarded, you think Clayton Murray likes you.�
�How do you know what I think?�
�I know what Clayton Murray thinks. He told me he thinks you�re dopey.�
Lainie felt that awful stomach rolling feeling which she tried desperately to ignore. For a long moment, she had nothing at all to say back at Gretchen. Luckily, the gym teacher, �Miss Mason� blew her whistle and yelled,
�Girls! Side out and rotate! Let�s move!�
Lainie went through the motions of playing volleyball but all the while all she could hear in her head was Clayton�s voice calling her dopey and her own voice asking her why she cared, which was a stupid question because obviously she did care and that was the whole problem. You can�t just stop liking someone because you�re supposed to.
CHAPTER 42 � Show Time
It was almost show time and a lot of the kids couldn�t resist peeking out through the curtains, even though when Miss Galistorfer caught them doing it, she�d stomp her foot and say,
�That�s very unprofessional!� which Lainie found kind of funny because this was a Middle School play. They were unprofessional. Lainie couldn�t resist it either. After her she got her costume on and her hair and make-up done, she just had to look out into the audience. Lainie peeked out the curtain at the side of the stage so she could stare longer. She saw her father, looking proud, her mother, thumbing through the program, her sister Annie looking bored and much too important to be at this play and her little brother Kurt bouncing up and down in his seat until her mother turned and spoke to him, sharply. A minute later, he was bouncing again.
When the curtain came up and the play began, every portion of Lainie�s being was focused on what was happening. Everything was very real and clear and not scary at all. It was just big and powerful and wonderful. When it came time for the big fainting scene, Lainie felt the most bright and shiny she had ever felt in her life.
In her big scene, the mayor is presenting teen idol, Conrad Birdie with the key to the city of Sweet Apple, Ohio. The Mayor�s wife is standing by his side, very polite and proper, but the moment, Conrad Birdie strums his guitar and sings the words, �You gotta be sincere,� the Mayor�s Wife is swept up in Birdie�s irresistible charm. She swoons, screams and faints into the Mayor�s arms. Each time she regains consciousness, she locks her gaze on Conrad Birdie, swoons and faints again.
Lainie threw herself into this performance. She�d scream and holler, �Oooooooh,� and then her eyes would roll up into her head and she�d faint backwards so her dress fell over her head, which was fine because she was wearing big old lady underwear and big old lady stockings.
All of a sudden, mid faint, she heard it.
Laughter. Huge waves of laughter. Was it for her? There was a lot going on in this scene. Conrad Birdie was dancing all over the stage and thrusting his hips. It probably wasn�t for her. But every time Lainie screamed and swooned and frantically fanned herself and fainted, the audience roared with laughter, so it had to be for her.
Before she knew what was happening the scene was over and Lainie joyously flew through the rest of the play, watching the scenes she wasn�t in from backstage.
As she was watching someone tapped her shoulder. She turned around. It was Clayton Murray.
�You were really funny.� He said.
�Thanks.� She whispered, pushing the old lady glasses up on her nose. And then she said, �We�re not supposed to talk backstage.� And she turned away from Clayton and back to the play. Clayton stood there for a moment, and then he walked away.
The cast took what seemed like seven or eight curtain calls. They were so excited. Everyone was hugging everyone else. But Lainie didn�t let herself get close enough to Clayton to hug him.
Miss Galistorfer was beaming and crying and she raised her arms over her head and announced,
�I love each and every one of you kids!�
Then Peter Haskell handed Miss Galistorfer flowers during the last curtain call and the next thing everyone knew, it was over.
�Party at my house!� screamed Billy Hutching as Lainie hurried out front to find her family.
She looked at her father first. His face was more than just full of pride, it was full of something Lainie could only describe as awe. She hugged him hard as her father said,
�You were amazing. The funniest one in the play. Everyone thinks so. I�m so proud of you.�
�Thanks, Dad.�
Lainie looked over at her mother who was smiling the sort of patient smile that says,
�When do I get my hug?�
Lainie hugged her mother who said,
�We�re all very proud. You were wonderful.�
�Thanks, Mom.�
Annie stood there with her arms folded and said,
�Good job.�
Kurt was bouncing up and down chanting,
�Lainie was the best one!�
Then Lois ran up and grabbed Lainie in a big hug, yelling,
�You were soooooo good! Oh, my gosh, you were so good!�
Lainie felt so overwhelmed by all the attention, she couldn�t wait to get away and go to Billy Hutching�s party. So she gave Lois another hug and told her family she had to go and she�d see them at home.
Lainie smiled at her father as her family turned to go. He was proud of her. Wow.
CHAPTER 43 � The Party
The party was in Billy Hutching�s basement. The music was loud and the kids were crammed in so tight they couldn�t move. All the spaces on the couch were taken, so Lainie just stood there awkwardly holding her coke. Finally she found some kids to talk to but it was hard to talk over the music. Someone would scream something and then someone else would scream,
�What?�
Lainie was starting to decide that she hated teenage parties when Clayton Murray came over and asked her to dance. Well, she thought that was what he said, but she wasn�t sure, so she yelled,
�What?�
�Do you wanna dance?� He yelled back. It was too loud for her to say, no. If she yelled, �No,� everyone would hear. Especially if he yelled, �What?� and she had to repeat it.
The next thing she knew, Lainie was dancing with Clayton Murray. It wasn�t a slow song but it might as well have been. There wasn�t enough room to dance very far apart in that basement and Lainie had to admit to herself that she didn�t mind being this close to Clayton Murray.
Then the song ended and Clayton and Lainie were just standing there. Gretchen Alder walked up to them and asked Clayton if he wanted to dance. She was staring at him hard. He looked back at her, paused for a moment and then said,
�No thank you. I�m dancing with Lainie.�
They danced three more dances that night and Lainie also danced with Dominic Flunt and even with Peter Haskell, who did his Conrad Birdie moves while Lainie pretended to faint. She had a great time after all, and she never did ask Clayton if he had called her dopey because she pretty much knew now that he hadn�t.
Lainie realized that night that if you can relax long enough to let good things happen, they will. She also figured out that the truth knows how to find it�s way to the surface.
March 15, 1970
This was truly the most fantastic day of my life. The play was great and I was pretty great in it. I can say that because this is my journal. Anyway, I felt like I did great and everyone said I did so I�m happy to believe it.
At the cast party, I danced with Clayton Murray four times and he didn�t dance with Gretchen at all. She was mad until she started dancing with Billy Hitching who was Albert, the star of the play. He�s OK, but no Dick Van Dyke.
I have to figure out a way to return Dad�s journal. Maybe I�ll try and do it tomorrow while Dad�s at work, if Mom goes out.
CHAPTER 44 � The Return
When Lainie came out of her room, Saturday morning, she assessed the situation in the house. Dad had gone to work. Annie was in her room on the phone. Kurt was in the den watching TV and their mother was still asleep. Lainie poured herself a bowl of cereal and went into the den. Kurt loved it when Lainie watched cartoons with him and this morning he looked at her with special adulation because he had been so proud of her in the play last night.
Lainie heard her mother come out of her room and head for the den. She stood in the doorway and told the kids she was going to the drug store. Lainie said,
�OK.�
Kurt kept watching cartoons. Then there mother said,
�Is there anything you need?�
This was unusual. Kurt looked up and said,
�Candy?�
Their mother said,
�Other than candy.�
Lainie said,
�The new issue of Tiger Beat?�
There mother said,
�OK. I�ll be back in a bit.�
Lainie and Kurt looked at each other. She was actually in a good mood.
As soon as Lainie heard her mother�s car pull out of the driveway, she got up and went into her bedroom to get the journal. Lainie held the journal for a few minutes because she realized she was going to miss it. Then she quietly walked with the journal into her mother�s room, opened the closet door, stuck her head in and neatly tucked the journal safely into the exact spot where she had found it.
Way back in her parents� room, Lainie hadn�t heard her mother�s car pull back into the driveway and when she faintly heard footsteps, she thought they were Kurt�s. With her head deep in the closet, Lainie�s heart nearly bounced out of her chest when she heard her mother�s voice say,
�Were you looking for these?�
Lainie slowly pulled herself out of the closet and turned to see her mother standing there, holding Lainie�s drumsticks.
Lainie gasped and started to say,
�I�m sorry��
But her mother stopped her and said,
�No, I�m sorry. I should not have taken these. They�re yours. Here.�
Her mother held out the drumsticks and Lainie took them and said,
�Thank you.�
�I�ve been meaning to give these back for some time,� said her mother. �I was just� embarrassed.�
�Embarrassed? Thought Lainie. �My mother?� Lainie had absolutely no idea what to say.
�I� I�m sorry,� said her mother.
�It�s OK.� Said Lainie, even though it wasn�t OK, but what else was she supposed to say to a mother who was saying �I�m sorry� to Lainie for the very first time in Lainie�s entire life?
�So,� said her mother, slowly taking a seat on the bed, �what do you have planned for today?�
�I don�t know,� said Lainie, awkwardly. �I might call Lois.�
�Oh, OK,� said her mother.
Lainie just stood there.
�Lois seemed to really enjoy the play last night. She was laughing so hard at your bit. Oh, how was the party?�
�It was fun.�
Lainie didn�t know what she was supposed to say next. This was not the mother she was used to. This was like a whole new person and Lainie was shy around new people.
�Anyway,� said her mother, brightly, �I came back because I forgot my prescription, but I�m glad I did because it gave us a chance to talk.�
Lainie�s mother stood up, picked the prescription up off her desk and walked to the door. She stood there and smiled at Lainie.
�I�ll be back with that Tiger Beat magazine,� she said.
�Thanks, Mom.� Said Lainie as she watched her mother walk off down the hall.
Lainie stood in her parents� room holding her drumsticks. She probably stood there for a few minutes. Then she walked into her room, put the drumsticks away and went back into the den to watch cartoons with Kurt.
CHAPTER 45 � The Confession
That night when her father came out of his room, Lainie went into the kitchen to join him. He smiled when he saw her and told her again how she was definitely the best one in the play.
She said, �You�re just saying that because you�re my father.�
He said,
�No, I really mean it. You were the best one.�
�Thanks, Dad.�
�You wanna watch a movie with me?� asked her father as he walked into the den.
�Sure,� said Lainie, following him.
�Dad?� said Lainie.
�Yes?�
�Mom gave me back my drumsticks.�
�I know.� He said. Then he sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to him so Lainie would take a seat. She sat next to her father and he said,
�Listen, uh, you know, your mother really wishes you would talk to her more.�
Lainie�s eyes got wide.
�She does?�
�Yeah, she does.�
�But I don�t know what to say to her.�
�Just tell her what you did in school or tell her� anything really.�
�OK.�
�Will you try? It would mean a lot to her.�
�I�ll try.�
�Good. I�m glad.�
�And Dad� there�s another thing I need to tell you.�
�Yes?�
Lainie almost lost her nerve and then she blurted out,
�I read your journal.�
Her father looked at her with a soft expression.
�I know.� He said.
Lainie�s eyes got very big.
�You know?� she asked. �How?�
�Well,� said her father, �When a person gets to know another person, he� just knows things.�
�Wow,� said Lainie. �And you�re not mad?�
�No. I�m very impressed actually, and very� touched.�
Lainie smiled a smile of great relief and then she turned to look directly at her father and she said,
�I think it�s the most amazing thing I�ve ever read. Better than Huckleberry Finn.�
�You�re just saying that because you�re my daughter,� he laughed.
�Dad?�
�Yes?�
�Will you tell me more about what happened to the Jewish women after the war?�
�Sure.� Said her father.
And they talked that night as they had talked on many nights before and as they would talk for many nights to come.
JOURNALS
By:
Louise Palanker