Chapters 25 - 29
by: Louise Palanker
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CHAPTER 25 � Mom�s Mystery
Lainie and Kurt were in the den watching an �I Love Lucy� re-run when their Mother came home from shopping. It was one of the episodes where Little Ricky plays the drums. Lainie loved those episodes because they let Little Ricky play the drums and he was so good at it for such a small kid. But when Mom came home with groceries if you didn�t come out to help her you got yelled at.
Lainie and Kurt ran and got their shoes on because if you went into the garage without your shoes on, you got yelled at. They helped their Mother bring in the groceries and then they helped her put them away. Lainie hated this job because she didn�t always know where things went and if she put them in the wrong spot, she got yelled at.
As they unpacked the groceries, Lainie and Kurt looked at their Mother to assess her mood. If she wasn�t talking, that was usually a bad sign and today she wasn�t talking but Lainie took a chance anyway.
�Mom?�
�Em hmm.�
�I got a part in the play.�
�That�s nice.�
Her mother didn�t say anything after that. She didn�t ask what part. She didn�t ask what play.
�Can we go watch Lainie in the play?� asked Kurt.
�We�ll see.� Said their mother.
Lainie raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders at Kurt. They both knew that �We�ll see,� meant �No.� So she obviously wasn�t listening because of course Kurt was coming to the play, even if Lainie had to hide him in her gym bag.
�Mom,� said Lainie, �You guys are coming to the play, right?�
Their mother looked startled and stopped unpacking groceries for a moment.
�To the what?� she said.
Lainie took a deep breath and said, �I got a part in the play, Mom, the musical. It�s Bye Bye Birdie� and I�m playing the Mayor�s Wife. I hope you�ll bring Kurt to see me in it because he is interested in my life.�
With that, Lainie stopped unpacking groceries and walked out of the kitchen and into her room.
She sat on her bed, certain that her mother would storm down the hall and start screaming at her for talking back. But that�s not what happened.
There was a knock on Lainie�s door and the door opened before Lainie had a chance to say, come in. Her mother entered and stood by the bed. She said,
�I�m glad you got a part in the play, Lainie and of course we�ll be there.�
Lainie said, �Thank you� and her mother left and closed the door behind her and went down the hall to her room and closed the door behind her.
Lainie loved her big sister, Annie but they had nothing in common. Everyone always said that anyway. They said, �Wow, you and your sister are so different.� What Lainie heard when they said that was, �Wow, Annie is so pretty and smart and popular and you�re so different.� That�s not exactly what they said but that�s what Lainie heard. Especially since Annie barely talked to Lainie. Annie was only two years older but she kept to herself. Lainie stopped following Annie around when they were six and eight years old. Lainie just got tired of being told to get lost, so they lived in the same house in different worlds.
But this night, when Lainie was in the bathroom, Annie knocked on the door. This was pretty common because they shared a bathroom. Lainie wasn�t doing anything private. She was just brushing her teeth, so she said, �Come in,� and then she spit.
Annie came in and stood there as if to say, �OK, now when are you leaving?� She didn�t have to say it. By now Lainie knew what Annie meant when she didn�t talk because she usually didn�t talk. Lainie spit again, then she turned off the water and moved away from the sink. Then, before she knew why she was doing it, Lainie looked at her sister and said,
�Why is Mom always in a bad mood?�
Annie didn�t seem shocked by the question, even though the two of them had never discussed this issue or, for that matter, any issue before. Annie shrugged and said,
�I don�t know, but I know she has a psychiatrist.�
Annie started washing her face.
�A what?� said Lainie. �My gosh,� thought, Lainie. �If Annie had this kind of information, I should talk to her more often.� �A psychiatrist. You know, Dr. Kelner, the Doctor who calls here?�
�Yeah.�
�That�s her psychiatrist. It�s a Doctor for people who feel bad a lot.�
�How do you know?�
�I heard Mom and Dad talking. Their room is right next to mine, after all.�
�Oh, said,� said Lainie. How come you never told me?�
�You were just a kid,� said Annie, then she dried her face and went to bed.
February 1, 1970
I just found out that Mom has a psychiatrist. I really want to ask Dad about this but what if he gets mad that I know? I thought that only crazy people go to psychiatrists. The reason I know that psychiatrist starts with a �P� is because Ricky Ricardo screams at Lucy that she�s going to make him so crazy he�s going to have to go to the P-Sacee-atrist. Does that mean my mother is crazy?
CHAPTER 26 � Why She�s Sad
When Lainie heard her father coming into the kitchen, she just knew that she would never sleep unless she asked him about her mother. No matter how mad he got.
She walked into the kitchen and almost before he said, hello, the question popped out of Lainie�s mouth.
�Dad, does Mom go to a psychiatrist?�
Her father didn�t seem mad at all. He didn�t even seem startled. He sat down at the kitchen table and said,
�Yes.�
Lainie sat down at the table and didn�t say anything. Neither did her father. Finally Lainie said,
�Is it because she�s crazy?�
�No,� said her father. �It�s because she�s sad.�
Lainie took a deep breath and her father said,
�I�ve been to the psychiatrist myself when I was sad.�
�Why were you sad?� asked Lainie.
Her father paused for a long time and then he said,
�I was sad because of some things I saw during the war.�
�Did the psychiatrist help you?�
�Yes, some.�
Then Lainie asked her father the same thing she had asked Annie, but it was much harder to ask her father this question.
�Why is Mom always in a bad mood?�
�I don�t know. She��
�Was she always?�
�No. Are you kidding, your mother was� is the funniest, most loving, happy person��He didn�t finish the sentence because it was taking his thoughts too far away.
�Then it�s because of us, isn�t it?�
That question seemed very hard for her father to answer. Lainie just dreaded what he would say next because she absolutely knew she was right and she just couldn�t bear to hear it.
�Your mother,� said her father �was very devastated when her mother died. Do you remember her at all, your Grandma Ceilia?�
�A little bit. I was three when she died.�
�You�re mother just never got over that.�
�Why?�
�I think she needed her mother in many ways. Your mother was the baby of her family. Very close to her mother. She just never got over loosing her.�
�I hope she does some day,� said Lainie. Then she hugged her father goodnight and went to bed.
She really didn�t want to talk anymore because she had heard enough to get her through the night and if she heard too much she might never get to sleep again.
February 1, 1970 (continued)
I got up the nerve to ask Dad and he told me that Mom goes to the psychiatrist because she�s sad that Grandma died. I�m glad he told me that but I think he thought too long before he answered and that it really is our fault. Grandma died ten years ago. How long does a person stay sad? Not ten years. I know it�s our fault she�s sad but the thing that makes me feel better is that Dad wouldn�t tell me it�s our fault. He told me something less horrible and I am very thankful for that.
CHAPTER 27 � Who Likes Who
Rehearsals for the play took place every day after school and Lainie loved them. The Mayor�s wife didn�t actually have any lines. She just screamed and said, �Oooooh!� But she was in all the big, town scenes, she got to sing with the chorus and best of all, Lainie got to be a part of everything. Miss Galistorfer was a hoot. She was about 50 years old, but she wore mini-skirts and lots of necklaces and love beads and she acted out everyone�s part for them, very dramatically to show people how it should be done. For instance, Miss Galistorfer told Lainie that the Mayor�s wife starts out very calm and proper and then when she sees the teen idol, Conrad Birdie, sing, she goes crazy for him and starts screaming and fainting which starts the whole town screaming and fainting. Being the Mayor�s Wife was going to be pretty neat, after all.
The Mayor was played by Dominic Flunt who was a very nice boy. Not that Lainie wanted to picture herself married to him but this was just a play after all. At least that�s what Lainie kept telling herself when she�d watch Clayton Murray as Hugo Peabody with Gretchen Alder who played his girlfriend, Kim MacAfee.
Lainie knew that Gretchen Alder was the most idiotic girl in the school and so she assumed that Clayton knew that too. But Gretchen was very pretty and Lainie saw the way Clayton looked at her. She was a cheerleader and she was beautiful and she had lovey dovey scenes with Clayton and it was pretty clear that he was enjoying them very much. Lainie could see with her own eyes how much it meant to be pretty. No matter what grown-ups said about your personality or what�s on the inside. None of that mattered if you saw the way Clayton Murray looked at Gretchen Alder.
After rehearsals, Lainie would meet up with Lois to walk home. Lois, by now, was completely in love with Mr. Helfenstein, even though she knew that he was thirty-one years old and he was married. Lois said that didn�t matter because she could grow up to be his second wife.
One day, when Lois was taking a breath between sentences about Mr. Helfenstein, Lainie blurted it out. She said,
�I like Clayton Murray.�
�I know,� said Lois. �He likes you.� Lainie�s heart was leaping around in her chest as she said,
�He does?!!�
�Yeah,� said Lois. �He likes you and he likes Gretchen Alder.�
It took a moment for those terrible words to sink into Lainie�s head. But when they did, she stopped walking and said,
�What do you mean? He likes both of us? How do you know all this and why didn�t you tell me any of it?�
�Well, first of all, you never told me you liked him, so I didn�t think you wanted to talk about it, and secondly, I heard him talking to Dominic Flunt about it during lunch because Dominic was telling Clayton that he likes you but he thinks you like Clayton and that�s when Clayton said that he likes you too but he also likes Gretchen because she�s so pretty.�
�Oh.� Lainie was feeling dizzy and she had to sit on the curb.
�Are you OK?� asked Lois.
�I don�t know.�
Usually Lainie said, �yes,� when people asked if she was OK, even when she wasn�t OK, but this time she told Lois to walk home without her because she needed to think. Lois didn�t want to leave but Lainie insisted and after Lois left, Lainie sat there for about an hour.
November 23, 1944 � Thursday
Today is Thanksgiving and we had a swell turkey dinner. I guess I have a lot to be thankful for. I can�t help but think of home though. Everything back there seems like a dream. I guess I�ll be the most happy and contented man in the world when I get back.
CHAPTER 28 � Annie�s Advice
Lainie slowly closed her father�s journal and lay back on her bed. How could she possibly feel horrible about her life when she was home, on her own bed, in her warm house, with no bombs falling on her? But, she couldn�t help it, she did feel horrible. She was just an awful person who didn�t appreciate the good things she had and that�s why she started to cry.
Then she heard a knock on the door. It was Annie.
�Why are you crying?� Annie liked to get right to the point.
Lainie slipped the journal under her pillow and wiped her nose.
�I just am.� She said.
�You�re going to have to do better than that or I can�t help you.�
�OK, but if I tell you this, it�s top secret.�
�Top secret,� promised Annie.
�I like a boy��
�Yeah��
�Who likes me but also likes another girl who�s really pretty.�
Annie absorbed this and then said.
�Look, I hate to break it to you but you�re only 12. This is nothing compared to what�s coming. He�s going to like a lot of girls. You�re going to like a lot of boys, so you might as well stop crying, pick yourself up and get started.�
With that Annie turned and left the room.
Lainie did stop crying, mostly because now she was more scared than sad.
December 3 � Sunday
What a day. The Germans finally broke out. Ninety planes came over and we opened up for dear life. They came over at very low altitude and tried to bomb the bridge but missed. We knocked down five of them. In one, the pilot tried to bail out but his chute didn�t open. One of our boys got hit by a fifty in the shoulder, but he�s OK.
I was sitting in a gun pit with Frank the other day when a bigger shell than usual fell nearby and a piece of shrapnel bounced off Frank�s helmet. He turned so white that I couldn�t help but laugh.
December 25, 1944 � Monday
We are in Belgium and living in holes. It�s very cold and we are all nearly frozen. It�s hard to believe this is Christmas. I wonder every day if I�ll ever be warm again.
CHAPTER 29 � Pretty Girls
Lainie fell asleep with her father�s journal on her lap and when she woke up, it was ten at night and she could hear her father watching a movie in the den. When Lainie walked into the room, her father looked at her, turned down the volume and said,
�What�s up, Sweety?�
�Dad?�
�Yes?�
�Do boys only like girls who are pretty?�
�I don�t know. I see a lot of ugly married people.� Her father smiled at his joke but when he saw that Lainie didn�t smile he said, �Who told you this?�
�It�s not what anyone told me. It�s what I see.�
�Is there a boy you�re thinking about?�
She just couldn�t bring herself to tell her father about Clayton Murray.
�I don�t know,� was all she said which was pretty stupid because obviously �I don�t know,� in this case, meant �yes.�
Her father nodded and thought for a few moments and then this is what he said,
�I�m going to be very honest with you.�
�OK.�
Lainie braced herself for the truth.
�Boys� and men will always look at pretty girls and pretty ladies. But pretty women are like� a flashing neon sign outside a store. It makes you look. You may want to go into the store. But if you go in, and there�s nothing there but worthless junk, you won�t stay very long will you?�
�I don�t know. Some men stay� don�t they?� said Lainie.
�Yes, some men do,� said her father, �but I think they�re men who don�t have very much in their store either.�
Lainie smiled. Not just because what her father said was reassuring, but because she was proud of herself for understanding it.
�Anyway,� said her father, �what makes you think you�re not pretty?�
�I�m not as pretty as Gretchen Alder.�
�Lainie, there will always be someone prettier than you� someone smarter� someone funnier. Please don�t be someone who wastes a lot of energy comparing herself to other people. You are�
Her father put his hands on her shoulders�
�A spectacular person.�
Lainie�s eyes filled up with tears and she couldn�t look at her father because she knew there were tears in his eyes too, so she just hugged him and said,
�You are too, Dad,� and she went to bed.
February 10, 1945 - Saturday
We are sleeping in a farmhouse about 100 yards from the gun pit. Last night, I stood guard with Ralph between two and four a.m. I bawled him out for not covering his cigarette good enough. We have a dug out adjoining the pit, which we stay in when it rains. This morning I went on guard with Joe, Bachman and Howard. At 12:30 pm, Frank, Ralph, Hanf and Blosser relieved us. I went up to the house, ate lunch and lay down. An hour later, shells began coming in. A shell landed near the pit. Then another shell came over. I saw Frank running towards the house and Hanf was close behind yelling, �I�m hit.� Blood was running off his leg and his raincoat was full of holes. Frank called up for a medic who came out with the Captain Blosser was also in the pit. When he came out I asked him, �Where is Ralph?� �Ralph is dead,� he answered.
The whole story is Ralph caught a piece of shrapnel through his neck and head. He was killed outright.